I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
