Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
