I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
