HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
