Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Text me some of your sweat
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
