I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
