The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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