I wish my penis had an off switch
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He shit in the fireplace
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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