I like my sex mixed with concussions.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
