Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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