please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Terrible idea I love it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize