mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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