Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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