Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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