By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize