Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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