You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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