he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
