if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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