I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize