How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
