ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
