So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize