Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
