i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
