i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize