honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
