Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
