I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
