Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
