i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
