I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
