I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
