I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sext me about skeletons
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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