Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
