So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
