I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
