Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Randomize
