The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
