Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
