friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
