you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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