i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
