Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
