1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
