He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
