I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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