Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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