I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
