This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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