I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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