Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
