Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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