I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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