Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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