checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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