I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i think my cat just said my name.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
