Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
