mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You can't motorboat a personality
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Randomize
