No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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