Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
