like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish you could order shots online.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
