Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
its liver damage thursday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
