if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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