Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i've created a new STD.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
