I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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