Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
