Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
