Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am one with the molecules
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
