first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
